Not love
by simply-a-freak
Summary: Matt is thinking about his relationship with Mello , telling himself it's not love , never been love, never will be, in the end he reaches a conclusion, what is it? was he right all along?


_**_Not love_**_

_**_**_**Matt_**

It wasn't love, I was sure of that, It was nothing really, just friends holding each other's hands, no big deal I told myself as he kissed my cheek, telling me to ignore people's whispers and stares…

Just friends.

We were just being friends, two guys being guys, wanted to be ready for the chicks so we had to practice kissing, it was nothing , I kept telling myself , girls do it with each other all the time, we're doing the same thing; it was just that, I reminded myself as his tongues massaged mine and his hand caressed my cheek.

Just friends.

It wasn't love , as we exchanged valentine's day gifts, he bought me with five months of allowance a new PSP and a huge bag of games, and I spent mine on his leather jacket, leather pants, and gloves , I saw him eying for a few months..

Of course, what else could we possibly be ?

I told myself, defiantly not love , at least not _that _kind of love, I don't like him that way, I scream to myself as he unbuttons my pants and I tug on his shirt, it was nothing, we're just practicing for our future girlfriends I keep telling myself . Both of us naked on his bed, panting , he's looking at me with lustful eyes, he smiles at me before kissing me tenderly on the lips and all the way down to my neck, where he nibbles, bites and sucks, It was nothing, just hormones, it was all for greater good, for experience for..the girls we will be with..

Yeah, that ,it must be that, the voice says as he takes me in his mouth, and as I moan blinded by pleasure, what else could it be It repeats..we're just friends sucking off each other, that's it ..it..happens .._no it doesn't_ an another voice whispers..

It was not love of course not, it wasn't that, it isn't , I told myself for the millionth time as we were in our shared apartment, together , attacking each other's mouths, our tongues battling together, as he moaned in my mouth, it's ..not…love..it still wasn't love, as we drop on the bed, we undress each other and I kiss every part of him, he moans, and breaths heavily, as I prepare him..The feeling of him around me, me inside him, feeling his heat, his tightness, such an over whelming feeling, as I move in and out slowly after he said he was ready, it wasn't love, I screamed to myself as he asked and begged for me to go harder, faster, and I complied, who was I to deny him pleasure ? as he asked me to kiss him, and I did..it..never was..love..as we came together..NOT..love ..

It wasn't love I shouted mentally ! we're just friends, still, now, forever…I remind myself as he rolls on top of me, wasn't love, when he entered me after preparing me, thrusting in as pleasure took over me, and I was moaning uncontrollably, and I scream as he found my sweet spot, we called each other's names as I spilled myself on his hand and he came inside me. It wasn't love I insisted , as he pulled me in his arms after turning off the light, whispering goodnight, It just was NOT LOVE..because friends do NOT love their friends that way..

Defiantly not love, even now, it's..not love. Eight years we've been this way, eight years I've been telling myself those words..

_Not…love._.a whisper in my mind , I could barely hear as "I love you too" escaped my lips, and he hugged me tight.

Not love ? I laugh mentally as we exchange rings in front of peoples that we care about the most, and as Mello leans to kiss me , the same question, as he pulled out a chocolate bar from his wedding suit, the question rewinds, as he grinned at his rival, and I know exactly what's on his mind " at least I have something, the albino sheep will never have "

The answer is no, it _is_ love, it always had been , always will be ,my love is for Mello and only Mello. How could I possibly doubt that ? because I cannot think of a single thing I don't love about him..

Not love ? it sure as hell _is _love ..

Don't ask me why it took me eight years to see that..cause my answer would simply be ; because I never knew he loved me back..

**I didn't know how to end it XD **

**I hope it doesn't suck ..I should be updating we survived and Always but I'm doing this cuz I'm having problems, I already have a lot of chapters written , but they're not ready to be placed yet, so yeah XD oh_ and yea this is a one-shot =D**


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